Picking Up The Pieces of My Life

I still have to remind myself sometimes that my apartment burned down. I've found it comforting to be in my car. Not much has changed about my car.  It looks the same as it did before the fire, with much of the same stuff in it.  There I can almost forget that I have lost so much that night. Almost.  My life experience is very much displayed on my car.  There is a bumper sticker about social workers, and a few representing my alma mater.  There is one about a cat in heat standing next to the scratching post like it was a hooker under a lamp post. Hilarious, and a few other funnies. There are other cause oriented ones on there, or representing something such as music.  Most, however, are from places I've been.  Las Vegas. Northwest Territories, The Grand Canyon, Ragged Ass Road in Yellowknife, Dawson City in the Yukon, Chicken Alaska, and so on.  Now they are my only souvenirs.  All the more reason to return to visit those places again.  I also had a great deal of my camping gear in my car.  camping dishes, MEC pots, real cutlery, propane stove, axe, and so on.  Stuffed in around the dishes were some items I had packed last winter in anticipation of camping with the non-resident daughter last Christmas...they are all Christmas prints kitchen things - tea towel, oven mitt, placemats, etc. Weird.


Also in my car were some other useful items - a pair of sneakers, flip flops, WD40, rope, and a sleeping bag. Unfortunately I had brought my new one I bought this year into the house to store.  The old one is too small, as I bought it not realizing it was a narrow fit bag. When I'm in , I can't move.  So now I guess that is motivation to lose weight - so I can fit into the only sleeping bag I have.  Then I remembered that my dad left his really nice sleeping bag, and I hadn't brought it home from Grand Bruit yet.  Perfect.  I hope to get that sometime this winter, along with many other things I had packed up in my old house there, and from my parent's home.


It has been a super busy weekend, with so much to do.  I felt almost frantic, wanting to power through getting some necessities, so I can relax.  I have a hard time relaxing.  I force myself, but it doesn't last long. There is so much to do, that it nearly overwhelms me.  Then I take a deep breath and slow down for a few minutes, regroup and prioritize. Tomorrow will be another super busy day.  I have to get my driver's license replaced, along with health card, bank card, credit card, and so on.  At least I have my passport and birth certificate.  They were in the firesafe I had in my bedroom closet.  Phew.  Waiting for a birth certificate would probably just about finish me off. If you don't live in the province in which you were born, you can't get a rush certificate.  You have to wait, sometimes for months. 


This loss has also been somewhat freeing.  I will strive not to re-accumulate STUFF this time around. I want to hit the road in April if possible, even after all this, so with owning very little, there is so much less to deal with.  Each time I have moved, it is dealing with STUFF that wears me down. Moving stuff from one place to the next, selling stuff, packing stuff, throwing stuff out, giving stuff away, and buying stuff, which can be equally exhausting.  Sure it's great to have new stuff, but this year, in buying mostly new stuff, I then had to deal with it.  Paying for it isn't always the most challenging.  Then I had to stuff it into my car, drag it up out of my car over the steps to my apartment, take all the packaging off, try putting it together, and then find a place for it, before sorting through all of the packaging I now had to deal with.  Nothing can go in the same place. Styrofoam forms, plastic bags, paper instruction manuals in 17 languages, extra parts, receipts, bags, boxes, staples, packaging materials galore.  The only thing I bought that I did not have to put together or do anything with was my sofa. Even my chair & 1/2 I had to flip over and cover the bottom of the legs with non scratching thingys.  Which I had to buy also.  Stuff may be just stuff, but there is a great deal of work in accumulating it.  It doesn't just show up in its proper place ready to use.  And I had sold, thrown out, or given away so much up north that I had a lot of shopping to do even for the basics. 


In three days I have already accumulated some more STUFF.  But I am being much more discriminating about what I choose to bring home with me.  If I don't think I will use it in the next 12 months, it doesn't come in.  No more hoarding arts and craft supplies. I just can't drag all that STUFF around with me forever. I haven't used much of it for years.  It looks like the quilt I was making for my mother for the past 13 or so years will never get finished.  I did however give her my first little hand quilted quilt to have at her house that earlier this year as she didn't have much of her own personal things from Grand Bruit, having left herself in a bit of a hurry with my Dad a couple of years ago.


Picking up the pieces of my life is going to be a challenge, but I think I am up for it.  With less STUFF to deal with, I should have more time to enjoy life.  I almost lost my life a few days ago.  I have long believed in enjoying every day, and this recent experience will certainly continue to drive that ambition.  Life is too short to be bogged down with STUFF. I'm free.