Adding It All Up

I finished filling out my insurance claim for the fire that destroyed my apartment on New Year's Eve.  It was quite a list. I came up with about $5,000 over what I was insured for. It didn't seem like that much until I started to add it all up.  Interesting what dollar value is assigned to the remnants of our lives. There are several things lost in the fire that are priceless, if only to me. It was quite emotional when I had it completed and looked back over the list as a whole.  I put an asterisk next to the few things I rescued from the ruins a few days ago. There weren't many.  When I think about it too much, panic begins to rise in my chest, my heart pounds, and memories of things lost flash in front of me. Then I hear fire trucks approaching and want to run and hide.  The snow plow just rumbled into the parking lot with lights flashing, and I nearly pissed my pants.  I thought there was another fire.  When I think about how close I came to losing my life, and how fast the fire spread (mere moments from explosion to flames licking the sky) through our building, I get the same feeling.  When I think about how lucky I was to get out with Stormy and only minor smoke inhalation, I am thankful to be alive.


I've been processing the event constantly in my brain.  It has become very difficult keeping my mind from wandering back to the night of the fire.  I feel like January 1st was more than the beginning of year 2010, but a new chapter in my life, one free from material posessions that threatened to possess me.  I could have done without all the drama, and simply downsized yet again.  I'm already tired of talking about the fire, but at the same time, feel compelled to continue to process it through conversation with friends, or if I'm at home, with Stormy...(laugh if you must, but you ALL talk to your pets).


I have a great deal of things I rescued from the fire to clean up.  They're all over in the storage locker.  I had hoped to go over last night and tonight but I have been feeling just rotten with a cold and super exhausted. and now I'm burning the midnight oil. I was resting most of the evening in bed, but got up in a fit of coughing and stayed up for a late night snack.  I need to go through those things I rescued, however, I hesitate, just wanting a break from talking or thinking about the fire at all. My mind spins on crises mode.  Just the bare necessities can limp their way through my brain.


I will send in my claim on Monday and expect payment by the weekend.  Wow. Then what? I am only replacing a few things, so have to determine what to do with the rest.