And Then...

Someone asked me how I was doing this week, referring to the loss of my father.  Well, to be honest, I thought I had been moving along quite nicely at Christmas. I had survived the holiday.  And then there was a fire.  I was sucked into the vortex of the world of housefire veterans...endless paperwork and taking inventory, both physical and of my own sanity. Sifting through the charred remains of your own environment. Rescuing the most minor of objects and feeling like you've won the lottery until you see another charred bit of sadness. Sleepless nights, aching body, rotten cold, and barely escaping with my life. In all the madness, I had somehow pushed my grief aside while trauma took over.  


The trauma is settling some, and then...I clicked on a Facebook game, Wordscraper and checked my inactive games. I knew they were there. I had been there before, shortly after my father died. The list came up with four games. One with my mother and three with my father.  I clicked on each game and saw the last words he played.  He became too weak to sit at his computer in the last couple of weeks. They are listed as inactive.  I can't bring myself to delete them. I'm sure his account will eventually hibernate. As soon as I opened the word list, to see who played which words, I began to cry.  I think grief is back from it's vacation while trauma was taking over the show.  


I miss you Dad.  I haven't forgotten you.