Tales From Dartmouth Cove

Wrapping Up Dartmouth Cove

2010-03-17T15:19:00.000-03:00

So my time in Dartmouth cove is coming to a swift close at the end of the month as I head out on my big journey. The past 14 months in Dartmouth Cove have been very interesting, as well as tragic and thought provoking. I truly enjoyed my time spent in my cozy apartment just a half-block from the ocean. My neighbors were entertaining, to say the least - everyone from little mama with her violent partner to baby daddy with a chip on his shoulder to the various and assorted interesting folks who came and went. The fire that burned out apartments to a crisp that cold New Year's Eve will not be long forgotten, but I am working to put it behind me.

I enjoyed being so close to the parks, the downtown, the ferry, and Tim Hortons (I am Canadian after all) and having my own private balcony to chill with Stormy through the glorious spring, summer and fall days. The apartment had so much character, and my stuff fit perfectly. I should have known then, something was going to unravel, and I had that sense even last fall, this weird sense of forboding. Little did I know it would be a horrible fire that would blast through my cozy apartment. I still struggle with the losses, however material that may sound. It isn't for the furniture or the dishes, it is for my life story, wrapped up in VHS home movies, 8mm soundless reels of old home movies, the hundreds of slides my father took of us as wee children, the thousands of photos lost in albums and boxes, the jewelry given to me by my grandmother, and so on. I have yet to really grieve for this loss, being wrapped up in the business of life and preparation for my trip. I reckon it will eventually catch up with me on some idle Tuesday.

My current apartment is a dump. I hate it. It is a roof over my head, but I have treated it like a barn, where I can prepare for the trip. This apartment is no sanctuary that my last one accomplished so well. The fact that it doesn't have a living room and no comfy chair or sofa is the biggest problem I have with it. Stormy doesn't seem to mind too much, but he does miss going out on the balcony. This one does not have a gate and he would be GONE if I let him out.

Soon enough, my home will be a 1985 Westfalia Vanagon, and Stormy and I will be touring the country. Life will be wrapping up in Dartmouth Cove, and it's been a hell of a ride.

Don't Ya Love Them Peepers!

2010-03-08T21:43:00.000-04:00

So it has now been 3 years since I had laser surgery to correct my vision. I'm pleased to say it is a roaring success. I often have to remind myself that oh yeah, I used to wear contacts/glasses. And wear them I did. I couldn't see to get around without them. They were the first thing I put on in the morning and the last thing off at night. It has been exceptionally freeing. I would spend more time fussing and frigging around with my contact lenses than anything else, and I didn't enjoy wearing my glasses AT ALL. Laser surgery ended all that jazz.

The surgery wasn't what I was expecting as I had to get the more expensive one, which was a total drag, and took longer to heal, but in the end, I'm quite happy about the result. I used to wear a prescription of -10 in one eye and -9.75 in the other. My contacts only sized up to 10. Now my vision is 20/20. My eyes are dry from time to time, and i don't particularly like bright lights, florescent mostly, but such a small price to pay for not having to wear glasses. I'd worn them since I was 6 years old and should have worn them before that as the first prescription was strong enough.

I loves me peepers.

Well now...

2010-02-20T14:44:00.000-04:00

So I have some things to put in storage. I didn't really know for sure how many storage bins I needed, but at least two, if not three. I had bought one earlier in the week at Zellers, and then today bought another the same size, and a larger one. Then I came home and packed up what I'm putting into storage. My things have only half-filled the two smaller bins. Oh my, how things have changed. I have a few things I'll leave out until right before I leave, but they won't fill either bin. Partly because the apartment is furnished, of course. As well, I have been purchasing new items with the journey in mind, so most of my things are either going with me, getting thrown out, or given away when I leave. I was finished packing in about 15 minutes. Wow.

I would like to maintain this lightweight lifestyle. I can move ANYWHERE when I'm this portable. That had always been a hurdle in the past. I'll have my passport in about 10 days, and I'll be set for 5 years of travel! Wouldn't that be something.

Apartment Life

2010-02-20T08:13:00.000-04:00

I've been in this apartment for 7 weeks now. Some days it feels like the fire just happened. Then other days, it seems like a distant memory. I don't particularly like this apartment. I didn't realize how much the loss of a living room space would matter. There is no window to sit or stand to look out of. There are lots of windows in this place, however they are all high up and short, and located over an obstacle - kitchen cupboards, the bed in each room, the tub. I see a lot of sky...

I have been weaning myself off of television in preparation for leaving in April. It isn't as hard as I imagined, due to the crappy tv setup compared to what I lost in the fire. Just a small 20 inch tv with analog cable. No onscreen guide so I only get to see what's coming on in the next half hour. I was also very spoiled by my PVR, and now miss all my shows because I'm either out, busy, or forget. Dammit. I've missed the new Survivor episodes and The Amazing Race. I have been watching a lot of DVD's mostly ER.

Stormy has settled in for the most part, but I think he misses his window perches. there isn't any way to put him in front of a window in this place. He will have a wonderful view from the camper. I bought him a hoodie yesteray, Yes, it looks rather ridiculous but also very CUTE!

I intend to make him a few bandannas too. he doesn't seem to really care. He did initially act like he was paralyzed as cats often do when you put anything on their middles. Then he wore it for the rest of the night without complaint!

I haven't cooked much here. There aren't many cooking dishes here, and I don't see the point in replacing all my cooking and baking products when I won't be able to use them on the trip. So I don't eat many cooked meals, rather I've either been eating out or grazing throughout the day.

No living room also means nowhere comfortable to sit down and curl up to watch tv or read. There are just the four kitchen chairs, a horrible ripped up and noisy vinyl office chair, and the beds. My bum misses my teddy bear sofa and chair & a half. Boo.

It is significantly quieter here, as the apartment is set back from the road, and the building portion I'm in is made of brick. That's a bonus I guess. I also can take any of the four buses that pass by there to right outside my workplace. I don't always get a seat and when that happens, I often get off at the ferry terminal and take the ferry across. No crazy neighbors so far...there is however, a young baby living below me. Or at least there were. I haven't seen them in a few days, so maybe they've moved out. These apartments are available by the week as well as monthly, given that they're furnished.

I have a full weekend planned. I'll heading out to test drive a camper today, shopping after that, sewing after that. Tomorrow I'll be at my mother's in the morning, making up some poster boards for my uncle who lives in a nursing home. His walls are bare, so I can't wait to cover them up with old photos. He remembers the old days well enough.

On that note, I best get my body in motion.

Sagittarius

2010-02-06T23:02:00.000-04:00

"Consider making some plans for a vacation or short getaway, Sagittarius. Looking forward to something fun can make even the toughest of days far easier to handle. You'll be amazed how much you can manage when there's an end in plain sight. Your entire attitude can lighten. So take the bull by the horns and create an incentive for yourself. Do something special to reward the hard work you do day after day."

Interesting...very interesting indeed.

And Then...

2010-02-05T18:15:00.001-04:00

Someone asked me how I was doing this week, referring to the loss of my father. Well, to be honest, I thought I had been moving along quite nicely at Christmas. I had survived the holiday. And then there was a fire. I was sucked into the vortex of the world of housefire veterans...endless paperwork and taking inventory, both physical and of my own sanity. Sifting through the charred remains of your own environment. Rescuing the most minor of objects and feeling like you've won the lottery until you see another charred bit of sadness. Sleepless nights, aching body, rotten cold, and barely escaping with my life. In all the madness, I had somehow pushed my grief aside while trauma took over.

The trauma is settling some, and then...I clicked on a Facebook game, Wordscraper and checked my inactive games. I knew they were there. I had been there before, shortly after my father died. The list came up with four games. One with my mother and three with my father. I clicked on each game and saw the last words he played. He became too weak to sit at his computer in the last couple of weeks. They are listed as inactive. I can't bring myself to delete them. I'm sure his account will eventually hibernate. As soon as I opened the word list, to see who played which words, I began to cry. I think grief is back from it's vacation while trauma was taking over the show.

I miss you Dad. I haven't forgotten you.

Got Ssssssmoked in the Parking Lot

2010-02-01T17:52:00.001-04:00

No, I am not writing about hotboxing someone's car...I am talking about pulling out of a parking space and a Dodge Caravan nearly ripped off my front end. He didn't see me, clearly. I was able to limp home, but won't drive it. I have to wait for the insurance company to come and take a look, get it towed to a garage and repaired. I don't think the frame was damaged, just the big ass fibreglass bumpers they put on them. Wish I had the hard rubber bumper I had on my old Camry. Even when thieves took it for a joyride playing bumper cars, they didn't damage the bumper. It could take a hit. I think the insurance companies are in bed with the car manufacturers. Make the part of the car that gets hit the most out of real expensive shit that dents and breaks easily so we can milk the customers claims. Who knows. All I know is I got ssssssmmmmoked in the parking lot at Sobey's. Dammit. ONE MORE THING to deal with. Seems to be the story of my life. I'm ready for a new chapter.

By the light of the speaker

2010-01-31T11:33:00.000-04:00

So many of today's gadgets have indicator lights on them, turning our homes into star spangled applause. A bright blue light from my desktop speakers, a brilliant white light from the end of my laptop charger cord. A red light glows from inside my mouse. A green light blinks at me from the smoke alarm. My Blackberry blinks green, red, blue, orange and yellow, depending on the status. Green and red from the microwave's time and program. Turquoise letters and numbers on the stove panel. Status lights on your vcr, dvd player, stereo components, television, and most all cell phones when friends come to visit.

My clock radio also has it's own electronic display happening. Power bars hold another status light that glowers at us from beneath desks, behind entertainment stands, or next to the bed. We are gadget maniacs. I'm just as guilty as the rest. Most of these indicator lights are LED now, so very little energy, and bulbs last longer. But we have lost the darkness from our homes. I often orient myself in the dark to the glowing lights here and there, guiding my way like a chorus of dwarfed and confused reindeer.

It's what I enjoy most about camping in the wilderness - no residual light, just mother earth and all her goodness as it was meant to be experienced. Camping season is just around the corner, and camping in a vw camper will be much warmer, so I can go earlier! I just need to get the camper. In the meantime, I shall continue to plan and prepare for the trip, and sit by my new lamp.

Housefires Suck

2010-01-29T07:14:00.002-04:00

No, there hasn't been another fire. But every single day and nearly every single hour I am thinking about the fire. Sometimes I've remembered something else I lost in the fire and I either get angry about it, or I'm ready to cry again. Sometimes I'm brooding about wanting to get back in there and sift through the rubble. They're tearing it down bit by bit, and a few times when I've driven by, I can see my old burnt up furniture in the back of the truck they are using to haul it away.

I chose to move into a furnished apartment just up the street from my old place, as it was easier to stay with the same landlord, and they had something available that very day I went looking. As well, I didn't have to really change much about getting to work, except that now the ferry terminal is too far away to walk to in the morning, so I've also been robbed of that pleasure. I just didn't have it in me to learn a whole new neighborhood, and a different bus schedule to get to work, not for just a few months. However, the drawback is, I now have to pass my house every single day as I head to work, and every single time I am driving through the city. I always look, but now it's getting harder and harder to look at the burned up carcass that used to be my lovely apartment.

I get reminded all the time that I am lucky I was able to escape with my life and my kitty. Yes, I know these things. I know them quite intimately, as the smoke filled my apartment while I was calling 911 and looking for Stormy. I am still pissed about the fire though. I mind very much that instead of hunkering down for the winter in my cozy apartment with my big screen tv, teddy bear furniture, and all of my books and hobbies around me, I am in this shitty little apartment filled with crappy furniture. It was to be a winter of regeneration. Instead it is a winter of bitterness. Partly my fault, I did choose the apartment. I just hate it. There is no living room, which i didn't think would bother me as much as it does. I miss curling up on the sofa or in my big chair & a half. Now I have to sit on a shitty old bed to watch the 20inch television propped up on a tall dresser. I have thought about getting a cheapo second hand chair to stick in my bedroom, however I can't handle a chair on my own, and I've mentioned it enough times to my mother who offered to find someone help me handle one, but that seems to have been forgotten. So a month later, I am still sitting on the edge of my bed to watch television. If I make other plans to get a chair, that would likely be the exact day my mother arranged to have someone drop a chair off and I would never hear the end of it.

I only have basic cable, with no PVR or digital box. I was complete spoiled for 2 years with my PVR. Now I barely watch anything on cable because I just cannot stand the commercials, and the fact that I have to check the channel guide on channel 8, and can only see what's coming on in the next half hour....sigh...so I watch my dvd's instead, mostly ER. I usually end up laying down to watch, and because it's a crappy bed, I have to change positions quite often or my hips get sore.

I also mind that I don't have any of my kitchen stuff to cook with. It isn't worth it to replace most of it, as I would only be storing it in April. So now I barely cook at all. Not like I have much of an appetite anyhow. Lost that in the fire too. Some days I can eat a meal, while others, the food has no taste.

It isn't about the owning of material goods, it is more about the comfort I've had to surrender. Each piece I bought for my apartment last year was carefully chosen for a reason, and things just all worked. Most everything I had chosen to ship down from the north was also carefully chosen, not wanting to pay Canada Post to ship junk. I had kept what I did for mostly emotional attachments. Now most of it is in a charred heap. And then there are all of the things that may have survived the fire, but are likely being dragged off to the dump by the demo crew.

That's when my anxiety sets in. I had a few boxes of paper, which likely only scorched and sat in a soggy heap while the fire burned everything else, as tightly packed paper doesn't tend to burn too well. Now my personal papers are likely blowing all around the dump for everyone to see. Stuff like student loan papers, my university transcripts, my health records, my divorce papers, my bills, private letters I've hung onto for years, income tax papers, the list goes on. My mother would be having a coronary about now, given she shreds even the envelopes because her name is on them.

I am rather depressed. I'm quite certain about that, and know how to recognize the signs, given my profession as social worker. It doesn't make things any easier to manage. I'm still depressed, i just know why and how. Every day I get up thankful to be alive, but ruminating about the effect the fire has had on me. I really resent that I had to go through the ordeal. Dealing with all of the post-fire stuff is downright exhausting. Between the seemingly endless shopping, the insurance claim, sifting through the few things I did recover from the fire, setting up house again, and talking about the fire to everyone who asks is just draining sometimes. Having to buy all of your clothes in the middle of winter when you are planning a trip somewhere warm for a year is quite a challenge, though I have to admit, even though it's January, summer items are slowly making their way to the stores.

Replacing clothing is no easy task. When you think of your assortment of clothes in various closets, dressers, etc, it is an accumulation of items. Things that were bought during different seasons, at different places, probably 2-3 items at a time or less. Much of it might represent your interests, particularly the t-shirt collection I had. Most of my t-shirts were souvenir ones, from concerts I had attended, music festivals, exotic locations, musicians I enjoyed, or themes that I enjoyed. I was able to get a nice assortment of rock t-shirts at Old Navy, but it isn't the same. There is absolutely no fond memory attached to any of them.

It isn't just me that has been affected. Stormy is without his 'teddy' that he had since he was a kitten and held some weird fascination with. He wouldn't play with it at all when I was in the house, but as soon as I was gone, even to the dumpster, he would be using the bear, and I could tell because it was in a different place than when I left, even just for 5 minutes. I'm not sure what he did with it in my absence, but I think there was some licking involved...

Housefires suck.

My Fascination With ER

2010-01-25T17:15:00.002-04:00

Since the pilot first aired for ER in 1994, starring Anthony Edwards and George Clooney, I have been hooked. I have seen every single episode. I owned 11 seasons of ER on DVD. I rescued 10 of them. The other season was on the tv stand at the time and not on the bookshelf. I was in the middle of Season 5. I have watched these DVD's right through from the first season to the last several times. Some more than others as they only release a couple of seasons per yer, if that, so it has taken awhile to collect this many seasons. I don't always watch the entire show while sitting on the sofa engrossed. I know all of the episodes very well, particulary the earlier ones, as they have been played more often, so I often will have it on in the room while I'm doing other things.

I have come to know each of the characters very well over the 15 years ER was on the air. I don't find it as gossipy-drippy-beverly hills meets desperate housewives as Grey's Anatomy. I have watched Grey's from time to time, but I like how ER has so many patients and we get little snips of each person's life. It's like peoplewatching from the safety of my living room within reach of my fridge and a bathroom. They sure covered a variety of medical issues on ER. I think I could breeze through medical school with my ER knowledge....ha ha...kidding, but whether they are technically correct in every single scene (I really don't care or know the difference, or care that I don't know the difference) I have definitely increased my knowledge of medical terminology and can use some of it in context.

The stories were real everyday occurrences, and tragic rare happenings. Not everyone lived, including the staff. In all of their 15 years on the air, the only truly cheesy scene I felt did not fit with anything else they filmed was when Romano was killed by a helicopter that fell on him in the ambulance bay. I mean, give me a friggin break. He lost his arm the year before by ducking too close to the tail rotor, so had a "fear of helicopters", rightly so. But then to be killed by a falling helicopter? No one even found him until the mess was cleared away the following day...ewww...I'm sure they could have slipped what was left of him under the door.

I certainly enjoyed the casting on the show, including all of the guest appearances each week. The highlight for me was Alan Alda playing a retired army doc with Alzheimer's. I was also a M*A*S*H fan as well and have ALL seasons of that show on DVD. The steady characters were richly written, and the guest appearances, introduction to new characters, and the loss of others were well written and I enjoyed each and every episode of the show.

But after all of what I've written about why I like the show, the prominent reason I watch the show on DVD is because the show, the set where it is filmed, and the characters of the show have been the only steady part of my life for a number of years. I have moved from one end of this country and back again, and through all of that, I have been watching this one show, this one hospital drama. While my home environment has changed, moved, burned, sold, etc, ER was still there every Thursday night, waiting for me. And once the series ended after 15 years, I still had my seasons of ER on DVD. No matter where I am, including this rundown little apartment, I can forget about it while I tune in to ER.

I know it's a weird fascination, but it's how I roll.

Counting Down the Days

2010-01-19T18:37:00.000-04:00

The days are ticking off until I leave for the west coast. There are 74 days left until I leave. Wow, that seems like such a small number now. I only have 46 days of work left before the end of my term of employment. I can't wait. I have enjoyed my work, and feel a fair bit more knowledgeable about the field than I did upon arrival here just over a year ago. Now it's onto the next stage of my life. Post-student loan era...I can smell the freedom, it's that close. Sometimes it makes me giddy.

Although the fire has certainly influenced my perspective on life, my path has not wavered. If anything, I feel more determined to hit the road and head west again. My daughter is there, as is my sister and her boys, and a great deal of good friends. I've spent so much of my life living on the east coast that I feel I'm due a change of scenery and an improvement in weather conditions. That also makes me giddy. I do worry about the heat, but reckon I'll adapt soon enough once immersed.

Driving home from a worksite visit yesterday in heavy rush hour traffic, I was began thinking about how very different Tuesday at 5pm will be in just 3 months from now. I won't be coming home from my current 9-5 desk job. I'll be on the open road, heading west. I come home to this new apartment, and nothing about it feels like home. It is too big for the measly amount of items that are mine here.

Moving into a vw bus for a year will be both a challenge and a relief. The smaller space is much less to warm up to, and will be "pimped out" (as my daughter would say) in whatever design I reckon I can stomach for a year in such close quarters. I am thinking I'll stay away from stereotypical hippy bus design. I've seen a few and they look cheap or juvenile. I have been drawn more towards the cooler colors of the ocean - the blues, blue-greens, and emeralds, with a dash of deep purple here and there (cause I have to have some purple). Warm that color pallette up with some natural linens and cotton fabrics and I think it will turn out okay. I just want somewhere I can feel very relaxed.

I still have a great deal of prep for the trip, as I lost all of my planning books, my lists, a great deal of my camping gear, and so on. It almost overwhelms me, but then I remember I don't have a great deal of stuff to pack up now, so it should be much less of a physical challenge than past moves have been. Bittersweet realization. But hey, I'm ready to move on now.

Tomorrow it will be 73 days.

Pain and Suffering

2010-01-13T16:00:00.001-04:00

Someone asked me if I was going to sue for pain and suffering. Hmm, I hadn't thought about it really. I'm not really interested in pursuing a lawsuit only to lose. No one gets much in this country, so most people don't bother. However, now that I have been through something traumatic, I see things in a different light. Am I in pain and suffering? It depends on how that is determined. I don't have any real physical pain from that night other than ripping all the skin off my knee when I tripped over a fire hose and a little smoke inhalation. Emotional pain - lots. I cry every single day, and sometimes it turns into sobbing, which I don't even recall doing in a very long time. I've been pretty emotional this past year due to my father's impending death. He passed away in early September. Now I have something new to cry about.

And I hate crying. I have little control over it, and I despise being reduced to a soggy mess holding handfuls of soggy tissues. Or would that be considered suffering? I sure felt like I was suffering when I was sobbing through filling out my fire claim. It has very little to do with the loss of material goods. It has more to do with lost memories. It also has to do with having to do all of this alone. And the fact that I can't get it out of my head how close to death I came. Sure, I've probably cheated death a few times in the past while passing a semi on the highway, but I don't know that I really was aware as I am now. It sure has me counting up how many lives I've used up like a cat.

And then I start thinking about some of the rumors, that the explosion was a planned event. That would mean that whoever blew up the building had no regard for human life, as all of us were at risk that night, not just the intended target, if indeed he was. It's that shit that keeps me awake at night - how fast your life can change without any input from you. That someone else has that ability to knock you off course, changing your life. I know this fire has changed my life.

I'm still very much in shock, and surviving on a very basic level. I've been sick this past week so haven't had much contact with other people. I can't believe it has already been 13 days since the fire. It seems like a couple of nights ago. I still wake up in the night and think I am in my old apartment, and it isn't until I slam into something that I remember I'm not. When I'm out and about in my car, I sometimes drive by my new place, heading to the old apartment, before I remember that isn't where I live anymore. Sometimes images go through my head as I envision getting home, putting away the groceries, and settling in on my big chair. Then I remember, oh yeah, the fire.

There isn't anywhere to sit comfortably in my new place. It doesn't have a living room, so the only place to sit is either on a kitchen chair or on a bed. I was so looking forward to a cozy winter at my old place, and someone blew up my building and that all changed. Does that qualify as pain and suffering?

Is it April Yet?

2010-01-13T10:11:00.001-04:00

Many people ask the same question about Friday. I've said it many times, particularly when Monday is a rotten day. I ask it of April because January has been so very unpleasant so far. In April I will be hitting the road, heading west in search of adventure. So April is my Friday. I can't friggin' wait.

I've been running pell mell since the fire, obtaining all my various wallet items - driver's license, health card, debit cards, and the numerous points cards. I think I'm gonna let them go. My wallet was too heavy anyway. I've had to replace so much stuff just to set up house for a few months. Much of it came from the dollar store and Walmart, but even that part alone is very draining. I've been buying things with my trip in mind, so things I can either leave behind or take with me. I don't want to buy anything I will have to store in April. I'm hoping there will just be one or two boxes so it's not a huge imposition for anyone to keep them for me.

Stormy is another matter. I really like him. I have enjoyed hanging out with Stormy for almost 5 years, since he was just a wee kitten. And then I risked life and limb to save him from the fire after the explosion sent him running scared under my bed. How can I leave him behind for a year while I travel? Will he miss me? Probably not is my guess. As long as someone keeps the food and water coming and a clean litterbox, I don't think he really cares who does it.

I've also been processing items I was able to recover from the fire. The clothing was no real chore, just rinse off the charcoal bits and dry. I'll take them to the laundrymat for a good wash and they'll be just fine. The solid items were a bit more work, rinsing, scrubbing, and scraping fire mess off them. Some weathered the fire quite well. Others, not so much. The paper and photos were the worst chore. There was so much and I only had a few places to hang things, so ended up putting up temporary clothelines to hang it all from. Some of it I will just photocopy and ditch the crinkled smokey original, but others I'll keep and store in ziplock bags. I have to make sure they are absolutely dry before doing that. it was not an easy chore, sifting through such a soggy mess, seeing what has been ruined.

Now I have a dirty storage unit at U-Haul to clean up. I had stored everything rescued from the fire in there and brought so much at home at a time, as I didn't have enough room to deal with it all at once, and I didn't want bags of smokey stuff sitting around in my apartment. I only brought home what I thought I could process that day.

I have to replace my passport too. Dammit. That one is a bigger chore, but totally worth the investment of time if I am to cross the borders. At least I live in a city with a passport office, as there are none in the three northern territories. I was hoping to wait a few days until the bags under my eyes were gone before going for my new passport photos.

The insurance claim has been the real albatross here. I ended up with 39 pages of items for which I had to supply information for - date purchased, where purchased, purchase price, current replacement cost, and where replaced. Easy for some items, impossible for so many others. I owned quite a bit of original one of a kind items. How do you ask for replacement cost on those if they cannot be replaced? In any event, the claim is hopefully complete and they don't come back asking for yet more information. My brain can't handle it right now. Again the investment of time is very much worth it, the issue was whether or not I had the stamina to finish it all. It was rather emotionally draining, listing everything I've lost.

I think the biggest challenge for me has been that I live alone. I don't have a husband to turn to when I can't finish something, or would like a little help (not that I did when I was married, but you get the point), or just a simple hug to tell me it's going to be okay and we'll get through it. There are times when I really miss being part of a couple/family. It can be very lonely. At 2am when I can't sleep because the images of the fire keep me awake, it sure would help to have someone other than Stormy next to me for comfort. Stormy is a great help, but he doesn't give good hugs...

Is it April yet?

Adding It All Up

2010-01-09T02:26:00.000-04:00

I finished filling out my insurance claim for the fire that destroyed my apartment on New Year's Eve. It was quite a list. I came up with about $5,000 over what I was insured for. It didn't seem like that much until I started to add it all up. Interesting what dollar value is assigned to the remnants of our lives. There are several things lost in the fire that are priceless, if only to me. It was quite emotional when I had it completed and looked back over the list as a whole. I put an asterisk next to the few things I rescued from the ruins a few days ago. There weren't many. When I think about it too much, panic begins to rise in my chest, my heart pounds, and memories of things lost flash in front of me. Then I hear fire trucks approaching and want to run and hide. The snow plow just rumbled into the parking lot with lights flashing, and I nearly pissed my pants. I thought there was another fire. When I think about how close I came to losing my life, and how fast the fire spread (mere moments from explosion to flames licking the sky) through our building, I get the same feeling. When I think about how lucky I was to get out with Stormy and only minor smoke inhalation, I am thankful to be alive.

I've been processing the event constantly in my brain. It has become very difficult keeping my mind from wandering back to the night of the fire. I feel like January 1st was more than the beginning of year 2010, but a new chapter in my life, one free from material posessions that threatened to possess me. I could have done without all the drama, and simply downsized yet again. I'm already tired of talking about the fire, but at the same time, feel compelled to continue to process it through conversation with friends, or if I'm at home, with Stormy...(laugh if you must, but you ALL talk to your pets).

I have a great deal of things I rescued from the fire to clean up. They're all over in the storage locker. I had hoped to go over last night and tonight but I have been feeling just rotten with a cold and super exhausted. and now I'm burning the midnight oil. I was resting most of the evening in bed, but got up in a fit of coughing and stayed up for a late night snack. I need to go through those things I rescued, however, I hesitate, just wanting a break from talking or thinking about the fire at all. My mind spins on crises mode. Just the bare necessities can limp their way through my brain.

I will send in my claim on Monday and expect payment by the weekend. Wow. Then what? I am only replacing a few things, so have to determine what to do with the rest.

Picking Up The Pieces of My Life

2010-01-03T20:38:00.000-04:00

I still have to remind myself sometimes that my apartment burned down. I've found it comforting to be in my car. Not much has changed about my car. It looks the same as it did before the fire, with much of the same stuff in it. There I can almost forget that I have lost so much that night. Almost. My life experience is very much displayed on my car. There is a bumper sticker about social workers, and a few representing my alma mater. There is one about a cat in heat standing next to the scratching post like it was a hooker under a lamp post. Hilarious, and a few other funnies. There are other cause oriented ones on there, or representing something such as music. Most, however, are from places I've been. Las Vegas. Northwest Territories, The Grand Canyon, Ragged Ass Road in Yellowknife, Dawson City in the Yukon, Chicken Alaska, and so on. Now they are my only souvenirs. All the more reason to return to visit those places again. I also had a great deal of my camping gear in my car. camping dishes, MEC pots, real cutlery, propane stove, axe, and so on. Stuffed in around the dishes were some items I had packed last winter in anticipation of camping with the non-resident daughter last Christmas...they are all Christmas prints kitchen things - tea towel, oven mitt, placemats, etc. Weird.

Also in my car were some other useful items - a pair of sneakers, flip flops, WD40, rope, and a sleeping bag. Unfortunately I had brought my new one I bought this year into the house to store. The old one is too small, as I bought it not realizing it was a narrow fit bag. When I'm in , I can't move. So now I guess that is motivation to lose weight - so I can fit into the only sleeping bag I have. Then I remembered that my dad left his really nice sleeping bag, and I hadn't brought it home from Grand Bruit yet. Perfect. I hope to get that sometime this winter, along with many other things I had packed up in my old house there, and from my parent's home.

It has been a super busy weekend, with so much to do. I felt almost frantic, wanting to power through getting some necessities, so I can relax. I have a hard time relaxing. I force myself, but it doesn't last long. There is so much to do, that it nearly overwhelms me. Then I take a deep breath and slow down for a few minutes, regroup and prioritize. Tomorrow will be another super busy day. I have to get my driver's license replaced, along with health card, bank card, credit card, and so on. At least I have my passport and birth certificate. They were in the firesafe I had in my bedroom closet. Phew. Waiting for a birth certificate would probably just about finish me off. If you don't live in the province in which you were born, you can't get a rush certificate. You have to wait, sometimes for months.

This loss has also been somewhat freeing. I will strive not to re-accumulate STUFF this time around. I want to hit the road in April if possible, even after all this, so with owning very little, there is so much less to deal with. Each time I have moved, it is dealing with STUFF that wears me down. Moving stuff from one place to the next, selling stuff, packing stuff, throwing stuff out, giving stuff away, and buying stuff, which can be equally exhausting. Sure it's great to have new stuff, but this year, in buying mostly new stuff, I then had to deal with it. Paying for it isn't always the most challenging. Then I had to stuff it into my car, drag it up out of my car over the steps to my apartment, take all the packaging off, try putting it together, and then find a place for it, before sorting through all of the packaging I now had to deal with. Nothing can go in the same place. Styrofoam forms, plastic bags, paper instruction manuals in 17 languages, extra parts, receipts, bags, boxes, staples, packaging materials galore. The only thing I bought that I did not have to put together or do anything with was my sofa. Even my chair & 1/2 I had to flip over and cover the bottom of the legs with non scratching thingys. Which I had to buy also. Stuff may be just stuff, but there is a great deal of work in accumulating it. It doesn't just show up in its proper place ready to use. And I had sold, thrown out, or given away so much up north that I had a lot of shopping to do even for the basics.

In three days I have already accumulated some more STUFF. But I am being much more discriminating about what I choose to bring home with me. If I don't think I will use it in the next 12 months, it doesn't come in. No more hoarding arts and craft supplies. I just can't drag all that STUFF around with me forever. I haven't used much of it for years. It looks like the quilt I was making for my mother for the past 13 or so years will never get finished. I did however give her my first little hand quilted quilt to have at her house that earlier this year as she didn't have much of her own personal things from Grand Bruit, having left herself in a bit of a hurry with my Dad a couple of years ago.

Picking up the pieces of my life is going to be a challenge, but I think I am up for it. With less STUFF to deal with, I should have more time to enjoy life. I almost lost my life a few days ago. I have long believed in enjoying every day, and this recent experience will certainly continue to drive that ambition. Life is too short to be bogged down with STUFF. I'm free.

One Last Tale From Dartmouth Cove

2010-01-03T09:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I won't be writing from Dartmouth Cove any longer. My apartment building exploded and caught on fire just after midnight on New Year's Eve. I've lost nearly everything and barely escaped with my life. I did get Stormy out with me, along with my coat and boots, my blackberry and my laptop. That's it. The rest is toasted, literally. You can see the news article about it here. at the Chronicle Herald site. The apartment on the top floor that you can see the sky through, is/was my apartment. They have the address wrong, but what else is new. I also did not see anyone from the Red Cross there, and I stayed for hours. I luckily jumped into my car when I got out of the house and drove across the street and parked it. I DID have insurance. I was the only one in the building though. I'm bunking in at a local hotel with kitchenette, and hope to move into a furnished apartment later this week.

Not exactly how I was planning to start my New Year.

Reconnecting with Mother Nature

2009-12-28T15:06:00.000-04:00

I went for a walk today in the parks. It sure felt good to get out in the sun. It's been pretty gloomy here the past while with either rain or snow, mostly overcast. There was plenty to enjoy along the way. I clicked so much I drained my battery. It's warm out today, 6C, for the end of December.

The puzzle pieces of my life

2009-12-28T11:06:00.001-04:00

I wrote this while I was in Grand Bruit this past fall, but I didn't have internet at home, just my blackberry, so wrote it in Word to post later...then promptly forgot. I came across this today. This was written on October 9th, 2009.

As I revisit my old house in the tiny Newfoundland outport, I have come to realize that there are pieces of me everywhere. I have called more than 30 places “home”. By places I mean the physical structure I lived in. I have lived in a trailer, a high-rise apartment, a few three-storey walk-ups, a number of houses, duplexes, row housing, cabins, a hotel, and at one point in my life, my car. I wasn’t particularly homeless, as I was moving back to the east coast, and staying with my parents until I found a job and an apartment. In each of these places, I had taken the time to settle in. I’m not fond of living out of boxes. As a child, our basement always had a pile of boxes that we walked around, moved from one place to another, and rooted through from time to time. They were never unpacked fully, and often were repacked for the next move. Once I moved out on my own, I tried my best to rid the home of boxes in an effort to feel at home, somewhat more settled. It doesn’t take much to make the starkness of an empty place feel a little more homey. Photos, posters, paintings, wall hangings and clocks are big for making the walls look less bare. I enjoy comfortable furniture, and creating a nestlike environment in the living room. I learned over the years that I enjoyed having certain things around me, and while my tastes have changed over the years, as taste does, I have discarded what doesn’t work and hung onto some things that never lose their charm, adding new things as life goes on. Most things in my home come with a story of some sort, as I refine my decision making regarding what comes into the home. I’ve become more discriminate with my acquisitions as the years roll on, and I’m in my thirtysomething move. I really have to NEED/WANT it before it comes through the door.

Pieces that I don’t have are bits of history I share with people. There are many people that I have some terrific memories with, and it is often only with those individuals I can reminisce. No one else shares that memory. As more of them fade from my life, be it through death, disengagement, or physical separation because I’ve moved YET again, I feel a certain loss. One example is that I won’t ever be able to talk about the many experiences my father and I shared, just the two of us. Camping trips, road trips, building his house together, going out in the boat, or down to his cabin. He and I shared many conversations that no one else was privy to, and now I’m left alone with those thoughts. Other losses are those of my childhood years. I was in 2 Kindergartens, 3 elementary schools, and 4 high schools. No one person went through school with me. No one. My graduating class was not a group of people I grew up with. I had only attended that school for the final year. My friends from my elementary school years remember me just as I last saw them, as an undersized 8 year old. And then I never saw them again.

There is something to be said about growing up in the same house, in the same town. Of course, there is also something to be said about not doing so. As apt as your neighbors might be in remembering the fun times, those same people who continue to circulate around you everyday life have very long memories, and don’t hesitate to share some of the more embarrassing history they have shared with you. When I have managed to pitch in one place for more than a year at a time, I have been reminded often of some of those chosen moments…like the time I drove my skidoo across the flooded pond and the engine flooded in the deep water. I ended up standing on the skidoo screaming for help, and my ex-husband’s uncle was the first to hear me wailing. They later rowed an aluminum boat out to get my dumb ass, and then returned to tow in my skidoo, which is still in circulation today.

Land and Sea was filming here in Grand Bruit this week, and yours truly found herself in front of the lens. They asked me to provide some historical context given that my father and I had worked together on a genealogy project for years. We began in the graveyard with the headstone of what my father referred to as “the mother of all Billards” as we know them. From there we crossed the breakwater, and stopped outside my mother’s house for an outdoor interview about what drew me to Grand Bruit for all these years. From there we walked up towards the school, where we talked about my father attending school there, as well as helping to build the school that still stands in Grand Bruit. We also talked about my own child attending school there. We walked on over to the museum and ended my portion there. It will air sometime after Christmas and she promised to send me a copy. As well, they are interested in some of the clips I had recorded with my father a couple of years ago, about the old houses here.

Last night the crew of Land and Sea encouraged everyone to stop by the Cramalott Inn where they filmed some of our foolishness. I brought over an assortment of alcohol from my father’s liquor cabinet, and shared with anyone who wanted. I partook of that assortment of alcohol, and proceeded to get pretty drunk. About 4am, I was on my knees beside the toilet bowl...it has been quite some time since I drank that much vodka. But I had a wonderful time, was given a Land and Sea hat for my time, and took lots of photos.

It appears that I didn't finish the post, so I'm not sure where I was going with this at the time. The Land and Sea episode will be airing sometime in the new year.

The Life of a Nomad

2009-12-27T14:53:00.000-04:00

Miriam-Webster defines a nomad under #2 definition as an individual who roams about. I've often referred to myself as a nomad, given that I am living in my 31st home. Some time ago on another blog, I listed all of those homes and it was shocking to see how little stability there has been in my life. The one big chunk of time spent in one place was the 12 years spent in a tiny outport in Newfoundland. Now I am considering departing again in a few months, to spend several months at no fixed address other than a VW camper. Am I crazy? What drives me?

I've thought about staying here. Some things seem almost perfect, while others are skewed and do not fit or work for me. My apartment is great - love it, love the neighborhood (despite the violence), love my furniture (for once), and love living so close to the ocean. I do not however, love my job. It works, it pays well enough, but is not at all what I want to do with my life. I thought I would enjoy spending time with so many cousins and ex-inlaws around, but again, I've heard nothing from my cousins, and my ex-inlaws often forgot about me.

I have very few friends here, and spend most of my time alone with my cat in my great apartment. I don't mind it for the most part, if I remind myself its only short term. I do miss having close friends though. I have moved so often, that most of the friends I've made in the communities I've lived have all but forgotten me. I have no life-long friends, and really miss that. I have many friends who swore they would keep in touch, even asked for my address, but that was the last I've heard from them. No one seeks me out. They've all moved on. I understand their choice - out of sight, out of mind. It doesn't mean that I don't mind. I mind it very much. I put a lot of work into friendships over the years, and it gets tiring as well as discouraging when it becomes so one sided.

I don't know what the answer is. With this move, I tried a lot in the beginning to settle in, make some friends, and look up old ones. After numerous invitations, phone-calls, and promises to get together, they all fizzled quickly after just a few get togethers. How aggressive should I pursue a friendship? How many times should I believe someone's promise to get together soon, or to call me next week for plans, or that they will call me for the next party they have? None of those promises and many more have ever panned out. Am I just not picking up on cues to frig off?

It could be that people are willing to invest in a friendship with someone who is expecting to leave the area again. Lame excuse, but entirely possible. I've heard others make similar statements about folks who come and go from jobs. Shitty for me if that's how they feel. I think I'm enjoyable enough to be around, and I don't think I smell too bad. Good friends I have made over the years have been very forthcoming about how much they like me, enjoy hanging out with me, so I don't believe I'm delusional. So what is it that gets in the way of continued friendships? Perhaps with some people, they become comfortable with their current set of friends and forget that someone was interested in pursuing a friendship with them, so find it difficult to fold a new person into the group.

I thought I might get lucky to have a neighbor or two in the building to chill with, but that didn't turn out very well at all...I also thought I would make some friends through work, but they all seem to be very wrapped up in their own lives, with little thought to making new friends. In the past, it has been the best place to make friends to chill out with. Not here in the big city. I'm an outsider I guess.

And now I'm planning a road trip for several months. I have a feeling I may be very lonesome on the road, particularly since kitty cannot travel with me for such an extended trip. I considered staying here in the city for another year, but without solid friendships to anchor me, it hardly seems worth it to stay. I also do not think I could manage such a dependent relationship from my mother. I'm already ready to bolt...have been for months. After years of living on my own, answering only to myself, being close by to such a needy person has completely drained me to the point that I cringe when the phone rings. I am far too accessible for her, and find myself hunted via msn messenger, email, landline, and my blackberry phone. I know life is hard for her right now, I am fully aware of that. I lost my father, she lost her partner and husband. However, she has tons of people in her life that call her, stop by all the time, take her out places, and offer to help her. So I have been working hard at pulling back. I need to know that she can manage her life without me being so very available. I think she can. Now she just needs to believe it. It has been no secret that I came only to help them out while Dad was in his last months, and to spend time with him until he died. Then to help Mom get settled into a comfortable place where she can move on. So my intentions to leave in April have been transparent since the day I accepted the term position at my workplace.

So there you have it. The life of a nomad is not easy.

Sagittarius

2009-12-27T10:24:00.000-04:00

"If people start to hassle you or give you a hard time about your appearance today, pay them no mind, dear Sagittarius. You have the right to live your life any way you want to. If that means you want to go around the house in an old concert T-shirt and 20-year-old sweatpants, then so be it. Feel free to be whoever you want to be."

I like it. I like it a lot...

Christmas Found Me

2009-12-26T16:18:00.000-04:00

For the first time in years, I did not move this fall, so woke up Christmas morning in my own bed, in an apartment I lived in all year. I opened my presents the night before...not the same waiting in anticipation for Christmas morning when you're alone with just a kitty to sing Christmas carols to. The non-resident child sent me a djembe drum which I received a few weeks ago. My two favorite gifts from the holiday are my drum and a poster of John (Lennon) in New York from my friend Candace. She knows about the special relationship I have with John...now he stares at me while I sleep.

I was lucky enough to be invited for 2 turkey dinners. My brother (GASP!) invited my mother and I for a noonish dinner. The china and crystal were hauled out for the big feast. No sweet potatoes though, darn...and the stuffing was awful. The mood was relaxed though, even if somewhat strained at times. Anything is an improvement on our last little gettogether...my brother was screaming in my face. That was the day we got together to write our father's obituary and biography for the website.

My second dinner was with friends, and wayyyyy more relaxed. The turkey was awesome, and so was the stuffing. I brought the sweet potatoes, so was happy with that. Dessert was my homemade apple pie with thick cream and ice cream, followed by fudge. Yum. Then we hang out and groaned over our bloated bellies.

I've been vegetating today. The weather is stagnant - no real changes today...just overcast and mild. I thought about going for a walk, but took a nap instead. Lazy as shit today. I think I'll veg out for the rest of the weekend. I'm about due for a break after the busyness of the year. Sometimes it's hard to believe the year has gone by, that I left Yellowknife more than a year ago. That my Dad is dead. I think about him every day, but noticeably less as each week passes. Maybe I'm moving on. Maybe I'm burying it. I had hoped initally that Dad would make it to Christmas and we could at least spend it together after all these years. We last had Christmas together in 1996. And then there's the guilt of not driving straight home from Yellowknife to spend Christmas with them last year. I can't help but wonder about the chaos that surrounded my trek down the western seaboard with the kid last Christmas was karma for not coming home for Christmas. Who knows...

With Christmas comes reflection on the year passed but also thoughts towards the future. Of course, I am thinking of creating chaos once again in my life. My current job is a termed position that ends at the end of March. My tentative plan has been to hit the road once that term is up, provided everything falls into place as hoped. I want to hit the road for anywhere from 6 months to a year if possible. I am selling my house in Newfoundland due to community resettlement, and any plans depend on just how much I get for the house. Who knows where I'll be next Christmas. With any luck, I will be with friends in a warmer climate. Here's to hoping.

Merry Christmas everyone!

November Goodbye

2009-11-30T13:54:00.001-04:00

Here we are, the last of November, with December on its tail. The leaves have mostly fallen, with just an occasional tree hanging on. Stormy continues to enjoy the balcony with me. The summer decor and furniture will have to be brought in soon, before the next snow storm. Hard to believe December starts tomorrow when it's 12C today. Some of my flowers are still hanging on!

Silver Sands Beach

2009-11-29T18:49:00.000-04:00

The moose has stood next to the Silver Sands Beach for decades. The windmill is also next to the beach and was just whipping around today.

Saggitarius (That's me)

2009-11-26T22:37:00.002-04:00

"Today you might be feeling a powerful need to write down your thoughts, dear Sagittarius, but they might prove a bit too amorphous for you to put them into words. You might also have difficulty making contact with friends or loved ones; you may keep missing each other! Getting around in your neighborhood could prove frustrating as traffic is likely to be backed up. In spite of small irritations, however, this should be an enjoyable day. Hang in there!"

Interesting, very interesting. I know they are quite subjective but once in a while, it can seem to fit with just what's going on in your life. I have been struggling for months with blogging. I used to write pretty near every day. I'm not sure if Facebook is the culprit, stealing my time from blogging to poke, post and comment my night away. It could be writer's block. I've been in a bit of a fog lately, but then again, losing a Dad can do that. My daughter called this evening, but was in the grocery store, and her cell phone kept cutting out, which annoyed the hell out of both of us so ended the call prematurely. As for traffic. It was the worst I've been in since moving back east this afternoon. I had taken my mother with me to my aunt's funeral. My dad's brother's wife passed away last week. The funeral was over by about 3:30, at which point we headed across the city...prime rush hour...ugh. With huge hospitals and several universities and colleges in town, mid afternoon can be super busy. What otherwise would have taken me about 30 minutes, took me about two hours today. I am so glad I do not drive to work every day. I take public transit, with the ferry being my favorite part of the day, particularly in the warm summer sun of the morning.

And then we moved onto the enjoyable part of the evening. After depositing my exhausted mother at her apartment, I drove back through rush hour traffic to park my car and jump on the bus to the ferry terminal. I JUST missed the ferry, so had to wait 15 minutes, which was a total drag. The pub was nice enough, the food was great - crispy beer battered chicken breast strips with home made potato chips, and a pint of Keith's light...man that was a good. I met my boss's husband and spent most of the time chatting him up. 2 pints later, I'm racing off to catch the ferry home with two of my coworkers, only to find that we have missed it, justs by seconds...AGAIN. Sigh...so then we struck out to check out the buses. It was still early enough that several buses were running and we didn't have to wait long to catch a bus back to the dark side. I transferred to another bus and was home in short order. Phew.

I am rather thrilled with the temperatures. It was 13C when I picked up Mother for the funeral. And now it's still 7C. Very unseasonal for late November on the east coast. It's been raining on and off for days. At least I don't have to shovel rain...and I am still in my sandals and no jacket. Yahfrigginhoo.

The new neighbor has been fumbling around below me for days, clunk, bank, slam, crash. At one point, yell, scream, slam, bang...a couple of nights at least, if not more. The problem is, although I can certainly hear the voices below me (of real people) and the house shakes when they bang and crash around, I can't quite make out what they are saying unless they are yelling all of the words at the same level, which they do not. So I get every 4th or 5th word...often FUCK! or JAYSUS! I met her the day she moved in, and haven't seen her since.

The police went roaring by here a few nights ago. Six cars in less than 10 minutes. Turns out someone was shot in a break and enter just down the street on Pleasant, by the refinery. I think he's doing okay, the paper reported non-life threatening injuries.

One more day of work, and the sweetness of the weekend begins. I have to spend most of the weekend trying to get through some household chores that I've been putting off. Friggin back pain is the worst its ever been. Yuck. I'm sure I'll find time to fit in some enjoyment, supposing it consists of no more than finishing off my Stephen King and get started on the latest Wally Lamb, curled up in my teddy bear chair & a half with Stormy.

I wonder what tomorrow's horoscope will bring.

My Dad's life in a sewing tin

2009-11-20T09:33:00.000-04:00

I brought my father's sewing tin back with me from Grand Bruit last month. I opened it initially, saw that it looked like it always did and haven't looked since. Today I opened it up again and surveyed the contents. Like many sewing tins, kits, boxes, baskets, etc. it contained much more than sewing related items. The inventory was an interesting glimpse of my father's life.

The golden round items at centre are buttons from his RCAF military dress uniforms. Several of his Sgt. stripes pins, along with many other pins, such as IFATSEA - International Federation of Air Traffic Safety Electronics Association and a beautiful crest pin from Goose Bay. The little red heart reads "Place on thy heart one drop of the Precious Blood of Jesus and fear nothing" - Words of P.P. IX (Pope Pius)

The small white item to the right of the Sgt stripes pin at bottom centre is what appears to be a piece of my father's tooth...

Things will never be the same again

2009-11-07T18:27:00.006-04:00

These are some photos from my recent trip to Grand Bruit. I don't know when I'll get back. The community is closing. Mother nature is slowly reclaiming the landscape of the community. The trees the children planted decades ago are growing tall and strong, rare along that coast due to harsh winds and salt spray that stunts and shapes their growth. I also rediscovered my father's old Smith-Corona, along with some very aged homemade blueberry wine. That was an interesting night. I also discovered nighttime beach photography...

A Different Flavour

2009-10-25T21:03:00.002-03:00

Life seems to have a different flavour now. I can't quite describe it, but things feel different since returning from the rock. I am having a difficult time concentrating, and thinking creatively. I can't believe this is my only blog post this month. I don't even have anything interesting to say. I've been trapped in a couch coma all weekend. Slugging my way through, dragging my unforgiving body with me. And tomorrow is Monday. Ugh. At least it's the only day I have to go to the office. I'm on the road the rest of the week. Sigh.

End of September Contemplation

2009-09-30T20:04:00.002-03:00

Okay. So life has changed, and my body isn't sure what to make of it. My mind thinks I've gone crazy. I left the north nearly a year ago, after finding out my father had stage 4 cancer. I wanted to spend more time with him, and help them out, now that my father was unable to drive. I don't know where the months went. I arrived on the east coast in January. When I looked at the months ahead I would have with my father, it felt like plenty of time. October begins tomorrow and he has already been gone nearly a month.

The time went fast because I was so busy I reckon. I feel like I looked forward to spring and summer for so very long after such a cold winter spent travelling from coast to coast, only to have it pass in the blink of an eye. I had so many plans for my time in this warmer weather part of the country. I planned to hit as many music festivals as I could. I didn't attend not one camping festival. I went to local concerts instead. I envisioned paddling day after day in the many lakes in this well-known paddler's haven. I went once on my own, and once in New Brunswick at Hopewell Rocks. I planned on camping every single long-weekend, and some others inbetween. I went camping once in New Brunswick.

It was a very different summer. I wish I could say I spent every spare moment with my father. I didn't. His health had started to fail and he was very tired. Often while I was there he would stay up for a short while before heading into his room to sleep for several hours. After awhile, I felt like I was keeping him up, as he struggled to stay awake in his chair, so I didn't stay as long on my visits. It became increasingly harder to see his body fail him so. I think what bothered my mother the most was that she could find very little to cook for him that he could tolerate. It had been her primary role for my father for so many years, and as much as she may have grumbled about having to do it, she sure missed it when she no longer had to do it. My Dad was a very complimentary man, and frequently complimented my mother on her cooking.

So now that Dad has passed, my next goal is to get my mother settled into a more suitable apartment. Then it's time to think about me again. I've had my mind set on travelling once my student loans are paid off. There is a strong possibility that I may actually reach that goal if all goes well with my student loans. I may be ready to travel by April. And with my current health, that scares me. How can I ever be ready and fit enough to hit the road long-term, indefinitely by April? I am feeling my near worst ever, between back pain, fibromyalgia, high blood pressure, and now a high sugar reading, I am worried I won't get to pursue what I have been after for so long.

All these many years I have been serving someone else's purpose, taking care of business. At first it was to be a good mother and wife. Then I was single parenting, and needed to be a good student, mother, and shit job employee so I could get a better job and provide for my daughter. Following that I had to seek a good paying job with benefits to continue on being a good mother, and to pay student loans. Now that my student loan debt is nearing the end, my daughter has been living on her own for years, I may finally be able to pursue my own dreams. My daughter is out living her own life in the Yukon. I have so many things I wanted to pursue and I fear I won't get to do them all due to poor health. And that just plain sucks.

I need to take control of my life or this body won't make it through. Any chance for a rehaul?

And Life Goes On

2009-09-16T17:22:00.002-03:00

I haven't said it to anyone yet, but I just know it's coming. "After Dad died..." or "When Dad was still alive..." or "When Dad was dying...". I think then it may begin to feel real, when it is slipped into the conversation, and not the focus of the conversation. I guess that is a sign that life goes on.

I have spent a fair bit of time in the last few days helping Mom sort out the paperwork that is associated with a death. So far things have been ticking right along, with only minor hiccups along the way. It would be a real chore for my mother alone though, with her limited sight as there are forms and fine print everywhere.

We've also been checking out apartments for Mom as well, with some interesting prospects. There is much to consider for her needs, and I want to be sure she is as independent as she can be. The ones we looked at today would nearly accomplish that as they are right amidst a fair sized shopping area, with two grocery stores, and 4 drug stores. Yes, 4 drug stores. I believe there may even be more. I am beginning to feel like I am in Mexico with all these drug stores in town...there are 4 very close to my apartment as well. Weird. Her hair salon, doctor, and several restaurants, including Tim Horton's, would all be just a few steps away. She is living alone for the first time in several decades. As much as she will miss Dad, I think she may be able to enjoy having a life of her own in the city with old friends and family. She used to live up here in the city many years ago, before she married, and treasured her time here. There are many lovely tree and flower filled parks in the twin cities, so we are hoping to find something near one of them.

My dad's urn has been relegated to the lower tier of a plant stand for now. We are packing up his clothes later this week. I wonder what will find their way into his chest of drawers then? She hasn't decided just what to do with the computer. I have to clean it up first, and format the hard drive.

I head back to work on Monday. I haven't been in my office much this summer. I was on the road a bit, and then I was off work for the past several weeks. It's all a bit of a blur at the moment. It will be good to get back to some kind of routine, as this past few months has been anything but routine. I could however, easily get used to keeping my own schedule.

Life goes on...

The Weight of Legacy

2009-09-04T23:35:00.003-03:00

My father died this morning (Friday) at 5:27am. It was not unexpected. He was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer last fall. He died peacefully at home with his family. I was there for his last hour. I am thankful for that. We wrote the obituary tonight. How do you capture the life of a man in such a small paragraph? My father led a busy and fulfilled life, married to the love of his life, and died holding her hand. Sigh. My dad was a class act.

Now that he has passed on from this world, reality sets in. My dad taught me more about life, and the world in which we live than any school could hope to. He was such a well-read man and instilled this deep into every one of his children. We are all very avid readers today, and struggle with the same challenge he did, where do I put all the books? Most homes had one set of encyclopedias. We had several, along with several book series about a variety of topics. He had such a thirst for knowledge. Anyone who knew my father, likely saw him with a book, magazine, newspaper, crossword puzzle, or map in his hands. There were plenty of each in every house we lived. Occasionally the mess of daily newspapers would overwhelm my mother, or the 10 pound hardcover book that my father would fall asleep with in bed, next to my mother who frequently caught it with her head. Yet she never asked him not to take them to bed. She knew the enjoyment he extracted from each new book as they arrived in the mail. Every book was read cover to cover, and often discussed around the house. As topics arose, maps would be swiftly withdrawn from the closets or trunks that stored them, and the storytelling would begin. Topographical maps, marine charts, gas station road maps, National Geographic inserts, and a Reader's Digest globe taught us all logical awareness of how our world was structured around us. No topic was too big for our father. What he didn't know he would find out. You might not hear about it for a while, but at some point, he would bring it up again and report what he had found out.

Growing up with a father who never tired of answering the questions of his inquiring children was one of his greatest gifts to us. Now that he no longer walks this earth with me, who will answer my questions now? Or is it my turn to begin to share the knowledge he has entrusted with me?

The light of the September full moon fills the sky outside, shining brightly. I always wanted a telescope. Perhaps it's time I bought one, and learned all I could about my night sky as I continue to travel this world so that I may share it with others. Often locations found on a map were destinations, which was a large part of living the military life in Canada in those days. Here we are heading out for a skidoo journey with Dad on his Elan while he pulled a small caboose he had fashioned for us wee ones. We loved the ride, and wore our helmets believing our father would never put us in harms way. He towed us gently along the soft snowfall of the northern Ontario wilderness. In the summers we paddled the red wooden canoe I went with him to buy from some northern Ontario craftsmen.

There may be weight for a child to carry her father's legacy, but I believe he only gives her what he is confidant she can carry. My father had confidence in me, and knew I would do my part when he left this world.

Catching Up

2009-09-01T09:23:00.002-03:00

I have been pretty busy and stressed out lately, so though I should catch things up here in Dartmouth Cove. My Dad has taken to his bed, and is no longer able to walk. He is in his last weeks (days even) of stage 4 colon cancer. I have been over there every single day for the past two weeks. I stay for at least 6-10 hours, finding it hard to leave, and sometimes hard to stay. And then I read this. Dad already has the mottling of the lower extremeties, and now it is starting on the upper torso. We are probably looking at him not lasting the week. Now I can't blog because I feel like I need to go right over.

My Brother is DEAD to Me

2009-08-15T10:28:00.004-03:00

My brother is a complete asshole and dead to me. I dared to prod him about his extreme lack of involvement in our parents lives, and weeks go by without him even checking to see that our father is still alive. His response to my email was a brief "FUCK OFF". What a coward. I'm not sure which part of my email to him triggered that response, perhaps when I told him he was a disgrace to the family name, or perhaps it was when I told him his lack of involvement made me want to throw up. Or maybe it was when I told him he failed miserably at his family responsibility...either way, he was pissed and his usual inarticulate self. I don't know how someone can live just down the street from our parents, with a father who has terminal cancer and in his very last weeks, two months at best, and RARELY SEE HIM! He has several days off at a time, and yet doesn't even call, email or stop by. Total idiot with no insight into his reprehensible behaviour. And today he left on vacation for a few weeks out of province. What an inconsiderate asshole.

My brother's behaviour is nothing new. He has been an asshole as long as I can remember. He has treated his family like shit as long as I can remember, and has buried his head in the sand, hoping it will all go away. His parting shot in a second reply email said "Never ever contact me again. I thought I was perfectly clear the last time we crossed paths. If we were the last 2 people on earth I would slit my own throat to never have to hear your voice again. Never ever contact me our anyone from my household for ANY REASON."

Funny thing about that is, he didn't even have the balls to say anything to my face. He is referring to an incident that he caused last fall, and tried to blame on everyone but himself. He abused a perk at work, and got caught - sorry dude, you got YOURSELF into that SHIT. He mentioned being perfectly clear...he didn't even talk to me. The coward called my mother and yelled at her, then called my sister and yelled at her a number of times, and never once emailed, called, or saw me in person. What a coward. I fucking hate him. He is dead to me. I no longer have a brother. I hope he rots in his own personal hell for the rest of his life for ditching our parents like he has in the most difficult year of their lives. I never ever want to see him or hear from him again. My mother said never is an awfully long time. It isn't long enough in my opinion.

Neighbors News

2009-08-03T19:58:00.002-03:00

Well, the neighbor below me has just informed me they are moving out at the end of the month, and into a bigger apartment. I think I'll actually miss seeing and hearing the little ones outside. Nothing like the sound of children playing and laughing to cheer a person up. Now who will move in downstairs...sigh...will have to break in yet another neighbor...maybe the man of my dreams will move in downstairs...or another idiot like babydaddy...the neighbor also told me that after she kicked out the loudmouth asshole she had living with her, she packed up his shit and dumped it off at the crackhouse aka murder house down the street where she had heard he might be staying. It's a boarding house, so quite possible. All I know is I won't have to listen to his loudmouth all night anymore. I just hope the new neighbors are quiet at night. I don't mind noise in the daytime, as I'm sure I make my share of noise, stomping around above them. I just want it quiet between midnight and 7am...

I've been considering taking in a roommate, but I don't know if I want to go back to sharing my house again. I need the money, but am considering taking a second job instead, like delivering pizza at night...instant cash, and no real physical chore, just driving. What would suck is delivering to people in 3 storey walk-ups...but that may be a good thing. I know I need more exercise...stay tuned...

King's Wharf

2009-08-02T18:58:00.005-03:00

Well, I found out what's been going on down in Dartmouth Cove...development. I had been watching them take down a few old warehouse looking buildings down there and wondered what was up. I suspected development since they just built a new pedestrian bridge, and I was right.

http://www.faresinc.com/kingswharf/index.php

King's Wharf will be a project with condos, shopping, services, parking, marina, restaurants, pubs, etc. It's expected to take 5-7 years, so I am quite certain it will be getting a fair bit more busy in the coming year...

Summer is half over...or did it start?

2009-08-01T11:40:00.008-03:00

I'm not sure where July went, but it's all over. And what a busy month it was. So much happening in Halifax, and I soaked up what I could. It began with Canada Day celebrations just down the street at Alderney Landing - music, food, fireworks, and Canada Flag cake! The same day, Cannibis Day was at the Dartmouth Commons...fun times, and I won a prize. Then it was the Highland Games at Dartmouth Commons,followed by the Paul McCartney concert on Halifax Commons.I hiked it over with some friends to Citadel Hill to see for free, and when I couldn't see enough, I walked down to the concert grounds and watched from behind the fence. I was still able to see the whole show and what a show it was! The following weekend was the KISS concert, and I had tickets for that. It pissed down rain most of the day, but when KISS went on, it had stopped. The week inbetween was the Tall Ships Festival, which was pretty amazing as it was the most ships they've had in since 2000. Then it was time to head over to the rock (Newfoundland) for a wedding, where I had a very busy weekend. Following that, I left on a 3 day camping trip with a friend in the Bay of Fundy to go kayaking at high tide through the Hopewell Rocks, and walking on the ocean floor at low tide. Before I knew it, the month was over and here we are at August 1st. While it's been warm, we haven't had many sunny days...is this our summer?

Canada Day

2009-07-04T14:06:00.007-03:00

just a short walk from my house, Canada Day celebrations were underway at Alderney Landing. Joel Plaskett Emergency, Under the Sun, and other bands were there, and some cool fireworks.

Karma's a bitch

2009-06-28T12:24:00.000-03:00

So I have some new neighbors in the the building. Two young twentysomething fellas moved into the two-bedroom apartment at the other end of the building. Seem like nice enough fellows, pleasant, quiet, seemed to have jobs...then you add beer.

About 2am last night, I heard voices below my bedroom windows. Not unusual, there are often people streaming out of the bars down the street who walk by. They usually keep on going and the noise fades. Not last night. The voices belonged to my new neighbors and their buddies. I wasn't sure why they were standing in the driveway/sidewalk so far from their apartment in the back. So I got up to see what the hell was going on, and heard one of them call for a taxi...okay, taxi time. Good luck getting a taxi this time of night.

The boys became increasingly louder as the beers kept coming, and the neighbors continued to wait with their drunken buddies for the taxi. There were f-bombs galore, rauchy talk, and that ever present YAAAAAHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that everyone LOVES to hear in the middle of the night...breaking glass as someone dropped their beer, more laughter, chat, yahoos, etc. I turned up the fan on high to drown out the noise and went back to bed, assuming the taxi would eventually show up and the neighbors would return to their apt and pass out.

Alas...something very different went down. I think I may have nodded off at one point, but was brought to wake again by a female voice...over a radio. The police had arrived. I'm not sure if one of the neighbors called them, or if they simply drove by and saw these drunken buffoons hanging about. Either way, when I got up to see what the hell was going on now, the paddy wagon was there, two cop cars, and one lone neighbor standing up asking about his buddies and where their court dates would be....hmmm. Something went down, anyone's guess, but mine is that the neighbors called in and the fellas got charged with public drunkenness, disturbing the peace, and I think I heard something about a breach of conditions not to consume alcohol....oops... karma is a bitch alright...

The cops stayed for about half an hour or so, and quiet was restored about 3:45am, just in time to get to sleep before the buses begin running by my house, all 6 routes...

Vacation Ramblings

2009-06-26T16:11:00.000-03:00

Yeah, been on vacation. So has the sun. It finally came out briefly yesterday and then it has been mostly out today, the last day of my vacation. It rained quite a bit in the several days prior. I was able to get the patio furniture painted/repainted so happy enough about that.

I've been rather distracted in the past several weeks, and rather absent here...and I missed it. There are plenty of arrangements to be made when a parent is terminally ill. We have tackled a large portion on my time off this week, so happy enough about that too. As happy as one can be about making funeral arrangements for their parent.

I have been to the park several times, so pretty, and more flowers out each day. I'm going to the farmer's market in the morning, looking forward to that. Mother has provided me with a long list of produce, so hoping to get most of it locally fresh at the market. We shall see.

I want to go camping, but alas, no one to camp with! Everyone is either away, busy, working, or not overly fond of camping when the chance of rain is so high. Sigh...I want to go paddling too, but have not yet found anyone available to go with. I may be shoving that boat in the water this weekend if I get a chance. Right now I have other physical issues reminding me of my gender with an exquisite backache when upright...I'll have to weather that out....sigh...

I am addicted to Farm Town on ~~crackbook~~ Facebook. I have many crops that take a fair bit of time to manage. Yeehaw. I grow many sunflowers.

Stormy was spooked by the downstair neighbor's cat when she came up to the gate to say hello. Stormy ran like the coward he is, and hid under my desk. They allow their cats to run outdoors, which I don't with Stormy. I don't think they are spayed either. Not that it matters. Stormy is neutered. He loves the balcony and I love that he has not figured out that he can easily escape by climbing over the gate. Good. He will continue to have balcony privileges until he does figure that one out. Sadly he has not figured out how to get up and sit on a stool to look over the railing. Not that I haven't tried, but the boy is stubborn and not that bright...a good mouser though.

I have installed two hooks for my hammock to hang off on the balcony. However one of them is in a precarious piece of timber, so I may have to abandon all hope of hanging the hammock there. I am now considering a patio umbrella to shelter the sitting area, allowing me and/or my friends to go out and sit in the rain, and they can smoke. Ideally, I would love a retractable awning, but this is just an old apartment, not my house, so I am not spending that kind of money.

I think Stephen King is calling my name...I shall retire to the balcony with Just After Sunset.

My Life In Moves

2009-06-17T20:42:00.000-03:00

I thought I might sit down and write out where I've lived. There's been a few moves...

1966-1972 North Bay, Ontario
1. King's Row (duplex)
2. Tackaberry Drive (3 bedroom 2-storey duplex)
3. Browning Street (bungalow)
1972-1974 Armstrong, Ontario
4. Trailer park (3 bedroom trailer)
1974-1974 Loggieville, New Brunswick
5. Trailer park (3 bedroom trailer)
1974-1978 Chatham, New Brunswick
6. Hamilton Crescent (duplex)
1978-1981 Goose Bay, Labrador
7. 500's row housing
8. 1100's row housing
9. 1100's duplex (4 bedroom)
10. 500's duplex
1981-1983 Stephenville, Newfoundland
11. White's Hotel (kitchenette suite)
12. Rose Avenue (3 bedroom bungalow)
1983-1983 Leitches Creek, Nova Scotia
13. 2 storey house (4 bedroom)
1983-1985 Goose Bay, Labrador
14. 600's duplex (3 bedroom)
15. 1100's row housing (3 bedroom)
1985 - 1985 Mississauga, Ontario
16. Whaley Drive (3 bedroom split level)
17. Burnamthorpe & Hwy 10
18. Glen Erin Drive (3 bedroom townhouse)
1985-1991 Grand Bruit, Newfoundland
19. Brook Street (3 bedroom 2 storey home)
20. Billard's Row (bungalow)
1991-1992 Enfield, Nova Scotia
21. Boyd Avenue (split-level bungalow)
1992-1997 Grand Bruit, Newfoundland
22. Billard's Row (bungalow)
1997-2002 Waterloo, Ontario
23. University Avenue (2 bedroom apartment on campus)
24. Sunnydale Place (3 bedroom townhouse)
2002-2004 Port Hawkesbury, Nova Scotia
25. Hiram Street (3 bedroom duplex)
2004-2005 West Bay Road, Nova Scotia
26. Riverside Road (3 bedroom bungalow)
2005-2006 Whitehorse, Yukon
27. Hot Springs Agricultural Subdivision (loft cabin)
2006-2007 Fort Resolution, Northwest Territories
28. Sas Tulu (3 bedroom trailer)
2007 - 2008 Yellowknife, Northwest Territories
29. 54th Avenue (2 bedroom apartment)
2008-2009 Canada & USA
30. Toyota Corolla
2009 - present Dartmouth, Nova Scotia
31. Millbrook Ave (2 bedroom apartment)
32. Portland Street (2 bedroom second floor house apartment)

The Good Old Hockey Game

2009-06-13T11:06:00.000-03:00

I am the least favorite fan of hockey, but last night as the Stanley Cup finals went into the last period of the 7th game, and a local boy was leading a team to victory...how could I not watch. For the most part, I watched sporadically during the first two periods, with the sound down and the music up. In the last period though, I was hooked. I wanted to see Pittsburgh win. I didn't really care which team it was. I was excited either way as there would be someone from the east coast of Canada on the winning team. And then they won. Now, local folks have been quite divided, as we have a huge Newfoundland population of folks around here, mixed in with the Bluenosers. So it hasn't been as much about Detroit vs Pittsburgh as it was about Newfoundland vs Nova Scotia...what a riot. Not being from either province, I was happy to have either team win, as there are a lot of Canadian players.

If nothing else, it kept the young folks busy last night, and the arenas were packed to watch the game on the big screen. Good for them. As far as I know, no one got shot last night, so there's that...hooray for the good ole hockey game.

Neighborhood Stroll

2009-06-01T22:28:00.000-03:00

I went for a short walk in the neighborhood today, and what a difference some green makes to the look of it all. Even the murder house (third photo from the top - blue house tucked away behind trees and the lampost) is under a leafy green disguise.

The property owners cleaned up some of the mess in the back yard, but then the downstairs neighbor got at it earlier today and cleared up the rest, raked up the parking lot, the yard, picked up buckets and buckets of garbage that had probably been around for years. My philosophy was, hey - fill your boots! She has energy to burn, and I don't. She also has two young children who needed a safe, clean place to play, so she made it happen. Groovy.

Hardly resembles the same place as it did this winter when the trees were bare, the snow was piled up and dirty, and there was refuse and garbage everywhere. Spring hides all manner of sins, just like a fresh blanket of snow in November. What snow doesn't do, is provide me with more privacy, which the trees have done very well.

Stormy is enjoying the balcony and the warm sun that finds him there. What he doesn't enjoy is when the birds divebomb him...heh heh...then he runs into the house like the coward he is...and fyi, the birds are small blackbirds, just a few inches tall...they will not be carrying off my 18 pound cat. However after the divebombed him, they all gather in the tree above the deck, and chatter on about it, probably laughing at this big dumb cat...

Sure is Dark in Dartmouth Cove

2009-05-30T23:42:00.000-03:00

The fog has rolled in. The foghorns have been blowing all day, particularly the ferry. A large ship just came into the harbour I reckon as there was a very loud horn that echoed all around. I can't see much from here. I was out earlier, took my mother shopping and we couldn't see much of anything due to heavy fog. The harbour has been covered in a thick blanket of fog. Good night to stay in. Which is what I'm doing. Watching Matthew McConaughey in Contact...yumm.

The fog makes it darker than usual outside as the moon and stars can be quite bright, and nearby lights are all dimmed out by the fog. Good night to watch The Exorcist...which is next on the list, bringing me into the wee hours of the morning...all I need is a good thunderstorm to complete the ambiance...

Summer Preview

2009-05-22T00:02:00.000-03:00

Well, for yet another beautiful day in Nova Scotia, it was 26C at it's height for me...who could ask for anything more in May? Wahfrigginhoo. Let the games begin. Last weekend was crap weather, rain and fog. At least it wasn't snow, but I am so very excited to be heading into the weekend with 27C in the Friday forecast and I am OFF! My friend from YK is in town and we are going to hang out tomorrow, so I'm rather excited about that - that things lined up for me to be off on a fine weather day and have a friend is also off (she is on vacation) to spend time with and enjoy the sun.

I was on the road again this week, just got home after 9pm. Long day, but beautiful drive with the ocean, the farmers fields, lazy rivers, sparkling lakes, and green rolling hills as my office today as I wove my way across the province, driving into the sunset. Snapped these with my crackberry (one through the bug encrusted windshield, my apologies) as I was driving along. Not too much traffic, so that was a pleasant surprise.

Dartmouth Cove Murder!

2009-05-15T00:20:00.000-03:00

Yes, I kid you not. There was a murder a few houses down from me this week. It happened at the crackhouse just 3 doors down from me. I walk by it every day on the way to work. I took this pic a few weeks back, just to show my street. My house is attached to the red brick & white you see just beyond the blue one. The crackhouse is the blue one with the picket fence. Now it has yellow police tape around it...

Motherhood

2009-05-10T15:12:00.000-03:00

Today is Mother's Day and I am a mother. It is difficult to remember a time when I wasn't a mother. I became a mother on June 6, 1986, at about 3am. I was 19 and newly married. Flash forward nearly 23 years and my daughter is living on the other side of the country. She had come to visit me while I was working there and stayed after I was finished my term. My mom lives in the same city as I, a first since I left Grand Bruit. Once I moved out, I never lived in the same city as my mother again, until she and my father retired in Grand Bruit. I was living there at the time.

I often long for the days when my grown up gal was a wee one, snuggled on your chest as she slept, smelling ever so sweet. I loved every minute of rocking her, and miss having a rocking chair in my house, the first time in many years. When she was old enough, she would go and pick mayflowers for me on Mother's Day, a favorite to this day. She also made me Mother's Day cards for many years...most of which I still have with me. Sometimes she bought me a card, but she knew how much I liked her homemade cards so often made one. The creative efforts waned over the years, as they do with teenage children. But I didn't need a card to know she loved me!

Wait Times

2009-05-07T12:40:00.000-03:00

Well there's two and a half hours of my life I'll never get back. I went to the local hospital for routine bloodwork as a part of my well-woman exam. I hadn't been to that particular hospital for bloodwork. I shall not make that mistake again. I went at 8:30am, thinking most of the early birds would be there and gone by that point. Um, no. The waiting room, which seats about 80 people (I counted) was full, and there were people spilling out into the hallway. So I left and went to visit my folks for an hour or so and went back at 10am. Still full. My number was 99, and they were only calling 45...then I found out they called you twice. Once to register, and once to get your blood taken. It was 12:20pm by the time I was called the second time. WTF? So when I grumbled about it taking so damn long, I was told I could go to Shoppers Drug Mart and get my blood taken there, for $10. I object to paying for it when health care is supposed to be free, but it would have been worth the 2.5 hours of my life I reckon. I will never go back to the hospital for bloodwork AGAIN!

Another Day, Another Drunk

2009-04-30T17:46:00.000-03:00

Walking home from the ferry terminal today, I spotted a EHS services gurney in the path. Okay, who left that there? Then I looked down over the bank, in the kiddie park, near the railroad tracks. There were two paramedics, two coppers, and one very inebriated older fella. The paramedics had obviously cleared the guy, as they headed up over the bank and talked about bringing the gurney back to the ambulance. The coppers attempted to get the old fella up, as he had been sitting on the railroad tie fencing...then I spotted the cane.

Okay, interesting. The coppers dragged him by the underarms out of the park, and attempted to cross the railroad tracks...it didn't work and down he went with a THUD as he tripped and they dropped him. His bald/shaven head barely missed the outer railroad track. The paramedics continued on their way, trying to remember where they parked the ambulance, and one of the coppers threw the older fella's cane up on the grassy bank, along with a set of keys, swearing and cussing as he went. Then they went back to pick him up. I was passing by the scene at this point, and unless I stopped to stare, I was moving out of view...so I kept going. All I can say is they were pretty rough with him, and very lucky he did not crack his skull open on the railroad track. I nearly spoke up to the paramedics who were right in front of me as I passed them, and told them they might want to hang around a bit as the police were dragging him along...but then I decided my opinion would not go over well...ahhhh...life in Dartmouth Cove...

Like a Soap Opera

2009-04-28T21:17:00.000-03:00

I already knew I was living in an interesting neighborhood. Now that the weather is warmer, I'm out on my balcony quite a bit, taking in the sun, watching the world go by. And go by it does...here are the latest highlights...

- The new neighbor has officially moved in today. The first visit by police was tonight...sigh...not her fault though, as she was quick to tell me shortly after I went down to introduce myself. When I saw her with her kids on the weekend, my intuition told me there would be a story there...white single mama, with two little mixed race kids, and a white boyfriend, living on the dark side...I was right. Her black babydaddy is not permitted unsupervised contact with the wee ones, and he showed up at their school today. Enter police.

- Was out eating my supper on the balcony tonight when I heard footsteps come into the parking lot, shuffling. Stormy tuned in first. So I glanced down, and there was another neighbor, one I have yet to meet, stumbling across the parking lot. He took aim on his stairwell, but missed, and slammed into the outside of the railing. I hollered out to him to see if he was okay...I'm not quite sure what he said, as it was unintelligible. He crawled around to the steps, fell down on them for a bit, so I hollered out again, asking him if he was okay...more mumbling. He then got up and tried the steps again, unsuccessfully. About the 4th try, he finally got up to the top and slammed into the door. Where he stayed, for about 5 minutes. I thought maybe he passed out or something, but he was probably trying to remember what he did with his keys. He managed to let himself into the building, and made quite a staggering pass through the hall. There are two large windows that face me, that are in the common hallway for the apartments in that section of the house. I didn't hear a thud, so I guess he made it into his apartment okay after that. This all went down while little mama was sitting in the cop car two cars away...

Bullets have been flying all around Dartmouth these past weeks. I am considering investing in a bulletproof vest, but from the sound of things, their aim hasn't been that great. There is an invincible organized crime thug who was shot twice this winter/spring and is still walking around. He got shot again on Friday night...it seems like every other day there is yet another story of police finding bullet holes in houses, cars, etc. There have been shootouts in broad daylight, on major city streets, shootings behind the mall, stabbings down at the ferry terminal where I catch the ferry (which is just down the street), armed robberies, you name it. All in the past month or so. And all in Dartmouth. Hardly a damned thing happening in Halifax. I guess that's why people call Dartmouth "the dark side"...it has very little to do with the larger population of African Canadians (which was why I thought Dartmouth had that nickname), and more to do with the crime that's going on. Mr Thug is white.

Saw an intersting gal at Tim Horton's this weekend. She was about 4 feet tall, about 90 years old, wearing a piece of tartan fabric - at first I thought it was a kilt, but when I looked, it resembled a piece of tartan just wrapped around her, and she was bare legged in flip flops. That was cute enough, but to top this outfit was a pair of bunny ears...

Saw another guy standing in the middle of the Tim Horton's parking lot a few weeks back. He was also ancient, probably 90 himself, standing there hugging a HUGE remote control car. The car was about 3 feet long, and he could barely wrap his arms around it. I'm not sure why he was standing in the middle of the parking lot. He didn't have a coffee or anything...not that he could carry it, as the car would have to be put down...

Walked home from the ferry terminal today through the park in the beeeeaaaautiful weather we had today - 29C...in April!!! Of course, that wasn't without it's charm...two fellas down at the shore's edge, a mere 20 feet away, shooting up under a tree. Nice.

Life is like a soap opera here in Dartmouth Cove...

A Walk in the Park

2009-04-27T22:18:00.000-03:00

Took a stroll down to the park near my house this weekend. It was warm and sunny on my balcony, so I thought it might be nice at the park. Not so much. That goddamn much wind I nearly blew away...

Sunny Daze Are Here Again

2009-04-23T19:50:00.000-03:00

The rain finally stopped. It was about time. It had been raining for days. The temp isn't real high, but it isn't snowing so that's good enough for me. The gravy is in the forecast. 18C for tomorrow, 20C for Saturday and 23C for Sunday. Perfect. Now that's my kind of spring!!! I may even throw caution to the wind and go out without sunblock. I'm thrilled that we are getting such good weather on a weekend. Usually it happens all week while I'm stuffed into an office, and by the weekend it's either raining, snowing, or foggy, or some combination of either.

My hands are itching tonight so I am going to have to go and buy a lottery ticket. The sun is down, but it's still dusky, so I may risk life and limb again and head down the street to the corner store for a lottery ticket. It is just down the street from where two youths were stabbed last month, at just 11pm. Hmm...maybe I shall see if I can buy one online.
~about an hour later~
Well, I checked into that and it has become a long drawn out process to sign up...and I broke out into hives. It was more than a potential lottery ticket win. I think I am allergic to latex, as there are hives where the doc examined me...shit. So I trucked on down to the drugstore down the street for some antihistimine and hydrocortisone cream. Then I had a shower. Hopefully the hives will settle down...ewwww...

Babydaddy and Little Mama

2009-04-22T22:51:00.000-03:00

Well, Babydaddy and Little Mama moved out yesterday. It wasn't without drama, of course. Babydaddy and Cuz had apparently made up, as they were all cozy downstairs as they moved out Babydaddy and Little Mama's stuff. They were moving well into the night, Monday night, about 1:30am until they finally shut it down. I wasn't about to complain...after all, I was happy they were moving out. They said they hadn't shared their moving out information with the property manager, however by the time I got home from work yesterday, the apartment for rent sign was in the window. I reckon they found out...and last night Cuz was showing the apartment to a fella...Babydaddy might have been a drama queen, but who knows what will move in below.

After Cuz showed the apartment, he and his missus got into a rip roaring fight in the vacant apartment, and on out to the porch before they took it back to their apartment. Apparently she thinks he is an idiot, as that word was used repeatedly...I would have to agree. He is also a very smelly idiot...nothing like the putrid smell of the unwashed.

Babydaddy and Little Mama have apparently made up, as they moved into a two-bedroom apartment together. I'm not sure what they moved into the apartment as much of their furniture was either stuffed into the dumpster or left beside it...

Babydaddy and Little Mama paid me a visit on the weekend...actually, they termed it more like "we have highjacked your balcony, I hope you don't mind" and proceeded to open up their snacks they brought and started eating. WTF? I wasn't even on the balcony at the time, was in the kitchen, puttering with the door to the patio propped open. It was a beautiful sunny and warm afternoon, so I figured I should join them on the balcony and enjoy the sun. Conversation was interesting...let's just say that. And now they're gone. Phew. At least I don't have to listen to that crappy shit he played all the time....rap and country...what a mix.

Neighborhood Stroll

2009-04-18T21:13:00.000-03:00

Living downtown in a city has it's benefits. It is early spring, so things are not quite greened up, and the flower boxes are yet unplanted for the summer. However, it still holds its charm, with promises of a lovely greenspace to stroll through. This starts just past my house, and continues through to Alderney Landing, where there is a Farmer's Market, multi-plex theatre, pubs, restaurants, a library, art galleries, boat docks, shops, and the ferry terminal to Halifax. It was a beautiful day today as I strolled down the path to the market.

Happy 50th Birthday Barbie

2009-04-17T20:47:00.000-03:00

It's about time life caught up with her...

Easter Weekend Happenings

2009-04-12T11:23:00.000-03:00

The long weekend started well enough for me. I was off on Thursday as I work a modified work week. It was sunny, I painted some patio furniture, I sat out on Good Friday. Then it clouded over. It's been raining since. Thunder and lightening last night, sending the resident coward, Stormy running under the bed. Where would he go if the bed was on the floor?

Babydaddy from downstairs picked a fight early this morning. Nothing like having a chat with the police on Easter Sunday morning about why you were fighting, after having spent the night drinking...all night. I think he agrees it was a stupid thing to do. Insult your neighbor after you've spent the entire night pouring beers down your throat and look suprised when he gets pissed off. The police rang my doorbell by mistake, so off I went thumping down the stairs in my jammies....only to be informed my presence was not required. Great. See you later.

Babydaddy seems to like picking fights. The day before he was waiting for a carload of fellas to come and fight with him. What an idiot. I told him to let them beat him up somewhere else, because I don't want that shit at our door. Babydaddy is 22. His ex-girlfriend is pregnant with twins. These are not his first children.

Saw a man standing at the Tim Horton's this weekend, hugging a huge remote controlled car. The man was about 80+ years old, and the car was about 3 feet long. I'm not sure what that was about, but I can imagine there's a story there.

Had my niece here yesterday for a short visit. She rounded up some of Stormy's mice for him to play with again, while finished up some weekend chores. We went grocery shopping for my parents then, and stopped at McDonald's for some grease. My body paid for THAT later. The police were in the parking lot next door when we arrived at my apartment. They also had someone pulled over the night before, across the street from my house. Watched the whole scene go down from my living room. Sometimes I can see too much...will be glad when the trees finally come out in leaf and block much of it off.

The cannon at the Citadel will be going off shortly. I often hear it from my house, even though it's across the huge harbour, in another city. One day it rattled my windows. I can only imagine what it was like here in Dartmouth Cove during the Halifax Explosion. I must check my book again to get some context, now that I'm living here.

I've put up a couple of bird feeders. One is just a seed bell, hung in one of the many trees outside my house. The other is a hummingbird feeder, for which I made up some sugarwater. They should begin to appear any day now, though I reckon the temps will have to go up again. They have dipped today, and we may get snow yet. The hummingbird feeder is hung off my balcony. I may move it to my eaves if I can reach them. I'm hoping both will entertain Stormy during the day. I had a bunch of them when we lived in the woods in the Yukon. The squirrels and birds alike spent their days in my feeders. One particularly insistent squirrel built a home in the birdhouse that was nailed to a tree. Kept bringing stuff in there to build a nest, like parts of my mop...

The grass is beginning to green in front of the apartment building next door. That's a good sign. I also have some crocuses coming up below my balcony...possibly some seeds that fell below? I can't wait to get some balcony planters filled with flowers. What a treat to live in a climate that supports outdoor greenery so much....I hope I don't mold...

Efforts of the Day

2009-04-10T10:33:00.000-03:00

Yesterday afternoon I spent shopping for the last bits of furniture - this time for the small balcony outside. I knew I wanted pub height as the railings are tall and I couldn't see over them in camp chairs. I also knew I didn't have a lot of room on this tiny balcony, so wanted stools and a small table. I found a beige table and wooden stools. I did not like the colors as they seemed rather bland...so I bought some spray paints (rust-proof for the table) and got busy. Not too many accidents, and the wood took it very well. The table didn't take the paint as well, even though I had help from the paint dept picking it out...but whatever, it will do and I have paint leftover. It sure brightens up the balcony!

One Of Those Days

2009-04-07T21:26:00.000-03:00

How's this for a segue wrap-up of the day...

It was pouring rain and wind beat into me on my way to work today, popping my pitiful umbrella several times. I was pretty wet by the time I got to the bus stop. At least it wasn't raining on the other side, so I walked up the hill in just damp fog so thick, I couldn't tell if the walk sign was on until I got to the curb...

My dad's health has declined somewhat, and my mother was upset, so I grabbed my work together at the office and headed home again, to spend the day at their place, with my paperwork to work on and keep them company. I had mostly documents to review, so I could just read on the sofa while my dad slept, and keep my mother company. I would bring my laptop to write up a few notes as well. Sometimes my mother just needs someone else in the house with her so she doesn't feel so scared to deal with the gravity of the situation. I can understand, so I don't mind hanging out with them for the day, and work on my own thing inbetween a few minutes here and there to chat, and get a bite to eat. Should have been simple, right. The forces were against me to get there today.

I am given a laptop to use for work, and it is locked to my desk by a combination cable lock. Those things get stolen from offices these days as the single unit is easily turned into money, or drugs. So we each get a lock with the computer to lock 'er down. I couldn't remember my combination number off the top of my head because I hadn't used it since I put it there two months ago. I did however, store the number in my personal blackberry. Of course, when I went to pick it up and look it up, my blackberry had died. Within the last two minutes as it was flashing when I put it on my desk after getting to work. Shit. Now what. I had to call the HELP desk to see if they kept them, as I didn't choose it, it was taped to the package when it arrived at my desk. Yes, they had one. But my computer wasn't registered to me, they had someone else. Ok, so now I have it...give me the password. After waiting about 10 minutes, he was finally able to look up the password, and give it to me, thus freeing the book for home. But wait, where is the power cord. I didn't get a brand new laptop, so it was just there when I got there. I hadn't taken it out of the office yet, so hadn't really looked for one. A 20 minutes search through the offices around me located one that would fit, belonging to someone else. I didn't check the bag, just the connection and shoved it into my bag. Alright already, let's get the show on the road. I packed up my new government bag and headed for the ferry terminal. It's pissing down rain by that point, and I popped my umbrella a few more times. The puddles I had skipped around earlier were now lakes to trudge through.

I made the ferry with a few minutes to spare, and we chopped across the harbour. It was the most choppy I'd seen it on the ferry since I began taking it across in January, but the wind was strong, and the lops were high. I was across in no time, and grabbed a bus shortly after for my street a few stops down. I parked my car at the foot of my stairwell, and now it was in a huge puddle, and the grass next to the lot was soggy and mucky. I was wearing hiking sneakers, summer ones with openings in them. My feet got wet, of course. Stomped up the stairs in the pissing rain and made my way in the door. I grabbed a few things, not knowing what was in store when I got to my parents, as it could be a long night. I put down my keys before going into the bedroom to grab my pyjamas...and then I came out and left the house. Shit. I just locked not only my house keys but my car keys, and my parents house and car keys in on top of Stormy's condo. Shit. Wait...I have a car key at least, in my bag...which I had put into my car before I trudged up the steps...hopefully my car has not realized I am not in the car and has locked me OUT! FUCK! So down the steps I tore, hoping against hope, and thankfully, I was able to get into the car. Phew. Good thing, because my blackberry was dead, remember? I couldn't even call the landlord...I didn't have a quarter on me.

So as I went to get into the car from the driver's side (I had put my bags in the car from the passenger side) I noticed my seat was wet - WTF? Shit again. I had been out the night before and didn't remember to put up my window...had it down a crack...which in the pissing rain, turned it into a rushing torrent onto my seat. DAMMIT! And I couldn't get back into the house to get a blanket, a garbage bag, something to keep me dry on the ass...however, being the girl guide that I am, I remembered all of my camping gear in the trunk. It was still pissing rain, so I didn't root around too much as my ass would get soaked as I leaned into the trunk to get something, defeating the purpose...so I grabbed a vinyl tablecloth, brand new one I bought months ago for our camping trip in the desert...unused of course. But whatever, it worked, and I jumped in and got moving. Let's get this show on the road.

I got to my parents, settled in, and took out my work laptop to set up shop and get to work. Dammit, there was only half the power cord there...and my parents didn't have a laptop, so I couldn't even borrow one. Closed up the laptop and put it away. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading through facility documents for inspections coming up. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.......they were interesting enough, but after a couple of hours of that, I was ready to nod off. I popped out for a Tim Horton's coffee and to pick up a package at the post office down the street from my house. I received a card earlier in the day for it. It wasn't there. They weren't sure where it was, but they knew it wasn't there. They also weren't sure why I was at their post office for my packages, given where I live.

Supper was upon us before long, and I wasn't real hungry, and my dad was having seafood. (I don't eat seafood. At all.) Taking advantage of my mother's home made bread, I toasted a few slices, and poured myself a glass of chocolate milk. We had picked up the carton a few days prior to see if my dad would like it for something different to drink that had extra calcium added. He didn't like it, and my mother wasn't impressed either, so I tried it. It tasted a little different, but I thought oh well, maybe it's the calcium...I should have investigated further...I drank about half the milk and ended up with a slimy portion stuck to my lips as I was sipping a bit more...oh, ewww...something lumpy at the bottom, maybe it's separated, sour, who knows. All I know is I spit it back out and took it out to the kitchen to dump down the sink. Um, what is that thing still in the sink? Something slimy and jelly like...and made of chocolate milk. And it has a blackened portion along one side...WHAT THE FUCK? That was what was about to go into my mouth...UGHGHGH, I want to puke just writing about it. I think I shall have a word with the store about this. And the manufacturer...sigh...

So it was one of those days...what wonders shall tomorrow bring?

Here We Go

2009-04-06T00:09:00.000-03:00

I'm into month three in my new apartment, here in dartmouth cove. Spring is slowly creeping in, and the trees are about to erupt in buds and blossoms. The harbour is just a short walk down the block, and I can smell the salt air when the wind blows from the south. Sometimes it plasters your face with a bit of rain and fog while you're at it. After all, it is the east coast, not California. This will be my first spring in the city. After arriving in mid-winter just in time for a nasty blizzard, I am looking forward to seeing my new city bloom. It was waterfront artwork like this that got me through the winter. This is just down the street from me.